AJRum.com

Have a Better Fucking Life…Make Love.

Don’t get it skewed about me and my girlfriend. We make love multiple times a week, often several times a day, and we have been for years now. We are professionals, we have lives. We get busy and overwhelmed and frustrated. And we still want each other madly.

Neither of us were ever very kinky. Actually, I would say I was never passionate, and when we first started dating she warned me that she was terrible in bed.

At some point we made our intimacy a priority. We realized that we wanted to make an intimate life. We didn’t just do it to be provacative, though we are very provocative. We didn’t just do it because we were horny, though I would say through our work we are very, very horny for each other. We began methodically improving our sex lives because we discovered that our love languages of physical touch and quality time are attended to, in their core, in physical intimacy.

Sex should never be separated from the relationship itself. But good sex mirrors good relationships in that they both benefit from a cooperative process.

She loves the vulnerability. She is constantly surprised at how vulnerable she allows herself to be with me, even after a few years. And I love the creative and contemplative aspect. In sum, however, the key has been to:

  1. Use our individual strengths to improve our skills.
  2. Understand exactly what gives the other a sense of intimacy

3. Contemplate each other in the moment.

I put all of my energy into loving her better, some of that being in quality time (one of our love languages). Some of that being in physical touch (another love language). You can research love languages here.

  • For quality time I look for places we can hang out, and I make sure to prioritize times to just sit and enjoy each other’s company.

Now if her love languages is gifts, you may want to give her a card describing her intimacy with you, or a sex toy (well thought out) or lingerie or any other sort of creative gift like candles, massage oil, a new sheet or pillow, anything.

If it is works of service, make love to her while she is working around the house, or express that you want to work on your oral sex for her.

Back to the topic however, my main point is that keeping intimacy at the forefront, sex is a tool for communicating your valuing relationship to your partner. The more you study and improve your sex, the more your relationship will benefit from it.

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