It doesn’t matter how many positions you master; if you don’t master the right moves, you are basically jerking off into your woman, and believe me, to her, that gets old.
My girlfriend’s vagina is on the smaller side, and my penis is on the larger side. And while this doesn’t matter if you have the right moves, it matters in sex positions.
For instance, using the famous “Doggy Style” position, my penis reaches all the way to her cervix. If she is not ready in her arousal, or if I am too abrupt in penetrating, then I am (painfully) jabbing at a sensitive part of her vagina. However, if I use the right approach, then my deep penetration will be pleasureful.
Another example is the “69” position. While using the right moves in this position can produce great results, if the moves are ignored, then it is one of the most frustrating, uncomfortable positions available to you. Actually, if you look up the 69 position, most will call it disappointing or not worth the hype. I think this is because of the angles of necks and mouths and genitals, but also because people are confused about the outcome because of porn and popular culture. Ideally 69 is a step toward deeper foreplay. Sexy, yes. But not an end in itself.
That being said, I recommend, and my girlfriend agrees, that you approach positions with attentiveness so that you achieve the moves that bring her to intimacy. Intimate sex is not a mechanical gesture or set of steps. Sometimes she wants it immediately, sometimes it takes some warming up. But all in all, those “moves” I talk about require your attention.
It is not an approach of knowing more positions, because the sparkle of positions always gives way to reality. Ideally you will focus on what she needs in the moment, and the position will be at the service of your attentiveness. Not vice versa.
Here are three steps to focusing on the movement over the position:
- Study her face during foreplay and initial penetration. If she is wincing, backing away, or seems to be uncomfortable, then slow down and find the point just on the pleasure side of things. Often in our arousal we fail to notice the obvious signs of her discomfort.
- As you build a rhythm in any position, focus on her breath. This can be done by sound or focusing on her chest, which rises and falls. Until her breath has taken over its own rhythm in heavy build-ups, you haven’t created that space of hypnotic arousal.
- Build up your ability to focus on her pleasure rather than your own image of yourself. My girlfriend ofteb loves when I gives short, shallow movements rather than pounding into her, and these movements give her multiple orgasms. But it doesn’t seem very porn-sexy. It is actually subtle and controlled. But the orgasms and her reactions are hot as fuck. Still other times she asks me to go harder, yet I don’t do these potentially rough movements unless she asks for it. Usually I am just working into her by refocusing myself away from my thoughts and into her pleasure space.